We all put conditions upon the path to our own happiness. What about you? What
kind of conditions do you put on your happiness? My handy thesaurus here on
Microsoft Word states “conditions” as: external things; our environment,
our circumstances, a situation, a setting, and even other people. It’s
true that when we focus on improving our conditions we indeed feel happiness,
that is until we find a new set of conditions that we say will take us there
and make us happier. The question then becomes when do we finally arrive at
happiness, and do we ever arrive or is it a path?
A good portion of my life has been spent in search of happiness. I looked for
it in the next big accomplishment, the next adventure and the next relationship.
I thought I could buy it, own it, and trade it. I saw happiness in purchasing
new shoes, a new car, and a home. And in this search I did find happiness. How
exciting to be promoted in my position, how wonderful to be able to buy something
new. How marvelous it was to move into a home that while signing on the dotted
line I could now say, wow I’ll be happy here. I put conditions on my happiness;
if this or that happens then I’ll be happy. My codependent self would
remark “when they are happy then I’ll be happy and “when he
makes me feel a certain way then I’ll be happy”. When I am successful
then I’ll be happy. When I make enough money, then I’ll be happy.
On Facebook I recently I asked my friends and family to respond to a question.
The question was “What would make you happy”? The answers were very
profound indeed they ranged in scope from; when everyone gets along, career
accomplishments, better physical health, less worry, peace in the heart of mankind
expressing unconditional love to all things, in all ways and places. All beautiful
responses and true for the people who so kindly took the time to respond. There
was one response that stood out for me and rang truer; that response was this:
“Knowing that giving the power to someone or something to make me unhappy
would be saying that something has the power to control my happiness”,
said Karen.
What do you think?
Are we waiting for our happiness or can it be accessed at any moment, all moments?
Is it about arriving in nirvana or following a path? Is it about doing something
differently? Thinking a different way? Expecting more or less? Or can we just
be happy knowing that our heart beats, our minds think, we breathe, rest and
wake up. Does something have to happen for our happiness? Do we put conditions
such as, I’ll be happy when ______( fill in the blank). If you are waiting
for your happiness then what is the hold up?
Happiness is available right now
Merriam Webster defines happiness as a state of being. You can check it out
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happiness If happiness is a state of being where
do you look for that state of being? When I read this definition and from what
I have learned along my journey is that happiness is both a path and a choice.
When we place emphasis on the external of ourselves we do become happy but most
times it is fleeting, it may give us a rush, a sigh of gratification and then
as quickly as it came it slips away.
I agree with Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy
of needs that if we are constantly focused on just surviving it is difficult
to unhook from holding patterns and our external definition of happiness. Once
we have our basic needs met it is easier to realize our full potential and self
–actualization. Actualization is individual as everyone defines what it
means for them. When we can become self-actualized by our own definition and
place our growth as central to being, the external situations, people, and environment
do not define our happiness. We just are. We are in a happiness state of being.
Some of my coaching clients choose the CoachU coaching model I use in my practice
called the “Personal Foundation Program”. Its focus is getting to
the “Who
of You” as Maslow indicates we must first obtain our most basic needs
in order to fully self actualize. When you strengthen your personal foundation
you will find your path to happiness becomes a much smoother and seamless journey
as you move quickly toward your full potential.
If you enjoyed this post or feel you have other ideas I would love to hear from
you on the topic of happiness. My coaching program is accepting a limited number
of clients right now. I offer a one hour no –strings attached, complimentary
coaching program so you may better understand the value of hiring a coach. To
arrange your free life
coaching session contact me.
Self confidence can be created. It requires a commitment and willingness to
operate in the present. When feeling a lack of confidence it is the perfect
place to implement a tune up and question your thoughts. Remember to detach
from the outcome and stay present in the moment where your strengths can be
realized. When you stay present you lack nothing.
Another helpful technique is using visualization. When you visualize your most
confident self sets the confidence vibe in motion. Check out this article which
offers a guided visualization and is but one step in a tune up to create a more
confident you.
When you close your eyes and picture a confident you, what does that look like? While your eyes are closed, take your confident self through the anticipated event you are fearful of. See it, feel it and smell it as your imagination takes you there. Breathe deeply, pushing out any negative or counter confident thoughts. See yourself successfully moving through the scenario as if it is happening in that moment. Visualization has been successfully used for thousands of years to calm fears, stress and improved health. This Discovery Health article tells you more about this technique and its successful application for a wide range of uses. It works for confidence too. Implementing a daily practice of visualization and especially just before you need to power up your confidence power up your confidence will get you tuned up quickly to meet any challenge in your life.
While visualization works beautifully in the moment and begins to transform
lack into wholeness, It is also important to question your thoughts around your
perceived lack of confidence. Spending some time on the root of those beliefs
is also part of tuning up.
Seven Core Questions to Ask
• When I am lacking confidence are my thoughts focused on the past or
future?
• If I am focused on the past, what is the evidence that I will receive
the same result?
• If I am focused on the future results of an action I’ve not yet
taken, what are the results I think I might get?
• Are those thoughts based on past thinking or on the present?
• If I choose to remain in low self confidence mode how will that affect
me in the present?
• What are some examples where I have been confident with a successful
outcome?
• In my most successful examples when my confidence was high what specifically
did I draw on for this successful outcome? Who did I then become?
I am excited to announce my book which is in currently in the editing process. “Rewind, Rewriting Your Life Script” is a journey about unlearning. While most self discovery books are about learning, “Rewind “is about unlearning your limiting beliefs. Many of my clients have suggested that, while reading self discovery books they felt a kind of disconnect. Using my life as an abstract autobiography, it is my intention for the reader to clearly see the way most of us hold these ill serving beliefs especially those that were planted by well meaning others in our lives. The book will step you into questioning those beliefs and asks you to decide, which beliefs serve you and which one’s never had. I devote a chapter on the practice I used to move past the feeling of “I am not good enough” which directly relates to confidence lack. Stay tuned.
If you find this post helpful, please share. I have openings for a few clients
as of this post. In order to evaluate if life
coaching is for you, please take advantage of my no strings attached, complimentary
coaching session of one hour in length. You can contact me at http://freedomlifecoachingcompany.com/contact/
